Well, It's been a long time since I wrote anything here.

Much has gone on, both bad and good, My friends are still the best and still out there, looking after me. We've been to the F1 and MotoGP. There have been concerts and comedy evenings. We've found a good builder an best of all my daughter has graduated and is working on her plans for the future.

But the other side of the coin has been dominant recently. Work has been stressful, with a number of layoffs that have left too much for those remaining to do. Similarly, my husband's work has put more strain on him than he can cope with, worsening his depression. Then his Mother passed away at the end of November. A few days after the funeral, all 3 of us went down with flu. We made an effort to make Christmas happen at our house for his Father, but naturally, it was a bit strained. And despite taking an extra week's holiday after the new year, I never really got time to relax.

During almost all this time, I was in what I call "coping mode", keeping going because I had to. No-one else was going to do it! But I didn't take any care of myself; I was too busy and it didn't fit in with taking care of others. I totally withdrew from contact with anyone that I didn't have to see. To be honest, I knew that my depression had got worse, but there wasn't time to do anything about it. And the Christmas food and eating out must have totally wrecked my diabetes control.

But over the last couple of days I have got in touch with my best friends. And I doing so, I've had to be honest about how I feel with them and therefore face it myself. And it's been a shock. I just want to stop - everything. Sleep is hard and I'm having weird dreams. I need time in which I'm not the one having to be in change, be the one doing and the one caring. I want to just sit and cry - but it's not going to help anyone. My husband is not in any state to look after himself, let alone me. And I couldn't ask my daughter to look after both of us.

So the only decision to make is to do what I know needs to be done and hope that it will eventually turn me round. Starting Monday I shall be eating properly, taking my meds at the right time of day and going back to the gym. Oh, and of course I'll be back at work.

Wish me luck!